One year on…

In two weeks’ time a year will have passed since Beatrice was stillborn. An entire twelve months. This time last year I was still pregnant and we were blissfully unaware that baby loss could happen to normal, happy people like us. When I look back I think of how quickly this year has seemed to…

Returning to work

I realise it’s been absolutely ages since my last blog post and so much has happened in these last few weeks. As of this week I’ve completed my phased return to work after maternity leave and I’m now full time. So whilst I’ve been telling myself to write a new blog post I’ve just felt…

What is parenting?

Mothering Sunday may have been and gone, but it got me thinking about mothers, fathers and parenting in general. I still class myself as a mother and Jamie as a father, but just how exactly would I describe our parenting style? I mean how do you parent a child who isn’t here? When you think…

Our slice of heaven

Everyone has got at least one place in the world that means something special to them. Jamie and I have been lucky enough to visit so many amazing countries and interesting cities that it’s almost hard for us to choose our place. Sri Lanka or Canada? Rome or Melbourne? New Zealand or the Maldives? All…

Fertility talk

First of all let me start by saying that I am absolutely not an expert on fertility – at all. I also want to make it clear that as far as we are aware we don’t have any fertility problems and I know there are lots of families out there who do have fertility issues….

Baby loss milestones and test results

Just like after the birth of a live baby, when a baby dies there are lots of milestones to be met. You need to register the stillbirth or death of the baby, wait for baby to have post-mortem, plan a funeral service for baby, go to the funeral itself, have further blood tests, wait for…

First of the firsts

After losing anyone, everyone always says it is the big events where you notice the missing presence of a loved one the most. Everyone also says that the first year is the hardest, as this is when you have to experience these big events for the first time. We recently had our first New Year…

Deck the Halls

For those who read my blog post “My glass if half-full” you know that a) I love Christmas and b) that I always try to look on the bright side of things. So when it came to 1st December, I had to have the tree up. Only it wasn’t quite as fa la la la…

Planning your baby’s funeral

If you’re reading this post because you’re having to go through the unthinkable process of planning your baby’s funeral, let me start by saying how incredibly sorry I am. Planning Beatrice’s funeral was one of the most stressful things I’ve ever had to, because I wanted it to be heartfelt and special but at the…

Giving birth

Part 2 – The birth Leaving the hospital and going home to wait for 48 hours was torture. Knowing that my baby had died and was still inside me, not knowing why it had all happened and the prospect of having to tell everyone made me feel scared, guilty and lonely. It was the longest…